Bells

I am sad and grateful
I am lonely and rejoicing
I ring the bells alone, I ring the bells for you
Forgive me the impermanence of my joy
And the permanence of my joy
I am present in my truth
Though you were right, I lost myself
I abide in my discomfort
And in everything you gave me
I can try to hide from suffering
But I know that won't save me
I must count it all as joy
I must let love be love in me

I can be strong, I can be kind
I can be good to myself and anyone who lets me
Now I am simple, I am alone
Like a pale flower floating on the surface
Of the wide sea the world drives between all of our hearts
The one you must navigate in order to love
In trying to swim there but refusing to let go
We weighed each other down and eventually we drowned

We can speak the words of women and angels
But without real love, it's just sad noise
I can open my heart and let everything out
But that won't save me - I'll just be empty

I am raw and awed and frightened
In the presence of my truth
I am sitting with my fear
I am reverent in its light
I am starting where I am
I move forward on my own
And I ring the bells alone
But with only you in mind