Maria, Maria

She thinks she is slim like a willow
She's just skinny and bony and tall
If she hadn't been blessed with two warts on her chest
She'd have no figure at all
She likes to please all the men, but she's so terribly thin
There is hardly enough to go round
Once, she swallowed a whole pickled onion
And twenty-four fellas left town

Oh, Maria, Maria, please say when
You will be mine, mine alone
How I long for the day when
I can make you my own

Now, I used to part my hair down the center
She said that was much too severe
So just to please her, I parted it
Across my head from ear to ear
Tell me, how do you like my sexy hairstyle?
I asked my Mexican rose
Amigo, you look magnifico
She whispered up my nose

Oh, Maria, Maria, please say when
You will be mine, mine alone
How I long for the day when
I can make you my own

Now, we went to the open-air theater
One summer night, in the park
And soon, I had to excuse myself
And I wandered off in the dark
I got back to my seat next to her
I had not been gone more than a minute
I said: How was the show?
She said: You ought to know
'Because, you silly great fool, you were in it!

Oh, Maria, Maria, please say when
You will be mine, mine alone
How I long for the day when
I can make you my own

Now, she used to try to make tea cakes
With a recipe her mother lent
In my mouth, they melted like butter
In my stomach, they set like cement
Now, she used to experiment daily
With different things that would fill me
It was just like playing Russian Roulette
'Cause I never knew which meal would kill me

Maria, you said you'd be faithful
But you cheated and you were untrue
But if I had to do it all over again
I'd do it all over you