A Million Gruesome Ways To Die

I know we'll be the best of friends
So there's no need to run
The sooner you get dead the sooner you can join the fun!
No need to fear for I am here!
Your mortal form will disappear!
Now should we use this rusty knife
Or acid water gun?

There's a million gruesome ways to die!
Oh why resist when the party's just begun?
You'll be having so much fun!
There's a million gruesome ways to die!
Why stay alive?
And I'm sure your death will be second to none!

Dynamite is quick but it makes a lot of mess
And flattened by a cow is just embarrassing at best
But baked into a yummy cake
Or dropped into a pit of snakes
(But) drowning in a lobster tank might hurt a little less!

There's a million gruesome ways to die!
How bout' impaled upon a spike?
Oh why resist when the party's just begun?
Maybe something on a bike!
There's a million gruesome ways to die!
We could bury you alive
We're sure your death will be second to none!

We could put you in a cage with a hungry alligator
Drop you in a volcano with an active crater
What about ten thousand volts of electricity?
Or try a death by shakespeare in a
Tragicomedy!

Trampled by an elephant or turned to goat meat stew
Or try to fight a dragon armed with nothing but a shoe
We could do a mummy's curse!
We'll put you in a fancy hearse
Or turned into a stuffie
Now that’s something we can do!

There's a million gruesome ways to die!
I thought I'd try the guillotine!
Oh why resist when the party's just begun?
I danced so hard I broke my spleen!
There's a million gruesome ways to die!
There must be something we can try!
We're sure your death will be second to none!

Maybe you can choke upon a grape
To die!
Put you in a blender and frappe!
To die!
Maybe we can find an angry mob
Tie you on a stake and cook you up like a kabob!
To die!
Smothered by a pillow in your bed
To die!
A gluten overdose from too much bread
To die!

Then you can join the party 'cause you're dead!
I'm sure your death will be second to
Mister reaper's beckoning you
Sure your death will be second to
None!