Today Is My Birthday

I quit my job today but i quit giving up a long time ago being an activist doesn't pay still gotta pay the rent and utilities somehow but i don't know i was reading the op-ed page today a conservative priest just ripped me for advocating safe sex for teenagers he said this is god's punishment we'll feel sorry for her tradegy but she got what she deserves i don't want your sympathy i don't need your platitudes this father's no different from my own father so my friends and my family why should i listen to you you never listen to me everyday i ask the same questions everyday i wonder what you'd think if you were me call me if you have time it's strange to see my old friends when they're out at night maybe I'll take some time to travel right now I'm just trying to keep things level but sometimes i lose it
today is my birthday I'm gonna be twenty and i'm hiv positive i contracted it a year ago you all have to understand that it's part of our reality and the person next to you could be hiv positive your lover could be hiv positive and they don't know you have to be careful
every time i see my reflection i start crying but i refuse to let you tell me my life is just dying my will is strong but time has double meaning and it cuts like a knife at the time i was diagnosed i'd only had three lovers in my life why should i answer to you you never answer to me everyday i ask the same questions every day i make big decisions i'll deal with the consequences of my reality i'm only telling you because noone ever told me in the meantime i stay healthy my only regret is i'll never have a baby i used to catch myself saying maybe - maybe.