The Portree Kid

A man came ridin' oot the west one wild and stormy day
He was quiet , lean, and hungry - his eyes were smokey grey
He was lean across the hurdies, but his shooders they were big
The terror o' the heilan glens - that was the Portree Kid

Hee-durum-ho
Hee-durum-hey
The tuechter, that come, frae Skye

His sidekick was an aura man, n oh but he was mean
He was called The Midnight Ploughboy, n he come frae Aberdeen
He had twentyseven notches on his chromac so they say
And he killed a million indians - way up in Stornoway

Portree booted in the door, he sauntered tae the bar
He poured a shot ay Crabby's, he shouted 'slainte bha'
While Midnight was bein chatted up, by a bar room girl called Pam
Who said well howdy stranger, would ye buy us a Babycham

Now over in the corner sat three men fae Auchtertool
They were playing games for money, in a Snakes and Ladders school
The fourth man was a Southerner, who'd come up from MacMerry
He'd been a river Gambler, on the Ballachulish ferry

Hee-durum-ho
Hee-durum-hey
The teuchter, that come, fae Skye

Portree walked tae the table, and he shouted shake me in
He shougled on the egg cup, he gave the dice a spin
He threw seven sixes in a row, and the game was nearly done
But then he landed on a snake, and finished on square one

The game was nearly over, and Portree was dain fine
He'd landed on a ladder, he was up tae fortynine
he only had but one tae go, and the other man was beat
But the gambler couped the boared oer, and shouted you're a cheat

Men dived behind the rubber plants, tae try and save their skins
Tha accordianist stopped playin, his sidekick dropped the spoons
He said I think it's funny, ye've been up that ladder twice
n ye ayways dunt the table, when i go tae throw me dice

Hee-durum-ho
Hee-durum-hey
The teuchter, that come, fae Skye

The gambler drew his skian-dhu, as fast as lightning speed
Portree grabbed a screwtop, he cracked him oer the heed
Then he gave him laldy wi a salmon aff the wall
And he finished off the business, wi his lucky grouse foot's claw

Portree he walked up tae the bar, and says i'll hae a half
And dae ye like the way i stuck it, tae that wee McMerri nyaf
But the Southerner crept up behind, his featured racked wi pain
And he gubbed him wi an ashtray, made oot a curlin stane

The fight went ragin on all night, till openin time next day
Break for soup n stovies, off a coronation tray
It was gettin kinda obvious that neither man would win
when came the shout that stopped it aw, 'there's a bus trip comin' in'

Hee-durum-ho
Hee-durum-hey
The teuchter, that come, fae Skye

They sing this song in Gallasheils, n up by Peterheed
Way down oer the border, across the Rio Tweed
About what became of Portree, Midnight and the Gamblin man
They opened up a gift shop, sellin' fresh air in a can

Hee-durum-ho
Hee-durum-hey
The teuchter, that come, fae Skye