I Am Not Alive

[Music by A. Tompkins and J. De Ron]

I am not alive, though they say I am. Such is the grave
inconsequence of man; liar that I am, I am not alive at all, not
alive at all, no. I am not alive.

Countless years have I spent in my quest, or so it would seem, at
the will of my mentor's request for truth, for the meaning, for life.
But what of this day? What of my own existence? How can I
pray to that which I cannot perceive?

Destiny would have that I blindly follow with no thought of my
own. But when I contemplate tomorrow my heart is turning to
stone. Why am I never satisfied? Why do I live with constant
pain? Is life just passing time till I die and thence never to rise
again?

The sun is gone bringing the dark, the darkness heralds in the
night. I cannot sleep, my eyes are wide, it's the longest night of
my life. I've been denied, my life is gone, where is my breath, I
must have died. My hour is come, my tears are dry within my
eyes, life is denied. I'm cold, I'm dying, I'm cold, I am dying.

In my wretchedness, I recall the words my Teacher spoke to me,
"It won't suffice merely to exist my young friend. To be alive is
not to live, you must have life."
"The fact that it is your utmost desire to behold both truth and life,
whilst you live in ongoing uncertainty and the everpresence of
death, would suggest that this state which you find yourself in is
not of your own demeanour; suggests that you once had
contentment and life from whence you've been enticed away.
You will not find it
within yourself for there lies corruption and death. And there's no
use in searching outside yourself for that, I'm afraid, is just nature.
Reason alone cannot suffice. You must search in the great
beyond, involve the Hidden Lands in your reckoning. You must
search in the great beyond, acknowledge the Ancient in His
beckoning. For there are greater
things behind the sky than in the entirety of creation. There are
greater things behind the sky than in all that you survey."

The spirits cry, they want me now but I resist, I will not die. I
need the truth, such is my quest, I will not rest until I find the light.