Last night I stumbled in to a barroom
I met a girl with a pint in her purse
She was cute as two speckled puppies
And I said Ben you could do worse

Then I walked across a room full of tables
Walked across her table too
And I flopped myself down in a chair
And said hi

Last year I had a smash oh hoo
Almost Persuaded No 2
Now you say folks don't know my name
Ben Colder's colder than the rain

But if this song comes a smash in through
Am I That Easy No 2
Will that not prove that you are wet
Am I that easy to forget

Then everyon

(Dream on dream on mean ole queen meanest queen I've ever seen)

She was mean and she was lean got her kicks at the gullotine
Had a castle on the hill and it was haunted better still
(Haunted castle on the hill)
Bats and rats and black cats too lived there with this mean ole shr

I had a wife named Lilly and I did love her really
But her love for me grew chilly she called me a no good hillbilly

Well now beautiful beautiful banjo
Beautiful a beautiful a banjo beautiful
A beautiful banjo I'll never pick guitar again

My second wife's name was Mazie s

Good Evenin' Ladies and Gentlemen of the Historical Society
You know in discussing history
Some people say well it's over and done with so let's forget about it
But we should remember we should remember Nathan Hale
Patrick Henry Tennessee Ernie Grandpa Jones
Oh my subject for

(Big John big John)

He arrived every morning at the beauty shop
In his pink sports car with his chartruse top
Kinda narrow at the shoulder and wide in the rear
Everybody knew there was somethin' kinda queer about John
(Big John Big John) Big Sweet John

He wore pink pe

Well me and Homer went out to California
And we gawked around like all them tourists do
And while strollin' on the beach near Santa Barbara
We got our eyes full me and Homer too

We saw bout thirty five people wearin' just what they was born with
And some were wearin' even l

When I was a kid for the mean things I did I got busted that's right
Paw'd take the strap to the back of my lap I got busted
Why we were so poor out there in the country
The folks couldn't afford it so the neighbors had me
Two rooms and a path for the whole family we was busted</

By the time I got to Phoenix I was flyin'
Champagne flies of course
This really is the only way to fly
Enjoyin' the complimentary cocktails and conversation
And making passes at the steward high
Hi stewardess

By the time I made Albuquerque
Hey stewardess what's the

When I was born the folks around they did dispare
Cause I was born with all my teeth and long black hair
They couldn't decide what to name me Percy Bruce or Kent
So they just called me the Carroll County Accident

I was two feet high and had a winning smile
And baul you cou

I tried so hard my dear to show that you're my everything
Yet everytime I see your face I really get up scheme
You look much better to me dear when we are far apart
Your liver may be warm but you have got a cold cold heart

You'll never know how much it hurts to see you sit and

(I dreamed I was there with the stars)

Last night I dreamed I went on a tour
Through the Country Music Hall of Fame in Nashville Tennesse
And my guide was none other than America's most beloved cowboy Tex Ritter
First we stood outside and he said this is the place where Big Joe

Our little dog is six years old and he's smart as any darn kid
But when we mention the v-e-t well he darn near flips his lid
Like s-h-o-t shot or w-o-r-m worm
Ahh there's a word that makes him s-q-u-i-r-m squirm

His q-u-a-r-a-n-t-i-n-e starts today
Since he bit the v-e-t an

That's right Leroy tune it up with the drum
That sounds real good

I don't wanna go home
Why should I
I don't wanna go home
Nobody wants go home
I'll tell you why

Last night I took a nap in Detroit City
And I dreamed about my papa's old cotton patch
My poor

Sittin' alone with my baby supposed to be watchin' TV
I got my arms around baby baby got her arms around me
I start to tell her I love her and ask her if she will be mine
I never get to say she just wants to play drivin' me out of my mind

Oh devil woman (cushy coo)
Devil wo

Oop shoop moogi mushy doggy-o oop shoop moogi ay
Means son don't go near the Eskimos please do what I say

My daddy was working for the weather station a little bit north of Nome
And I grew up in that frozen country where the nights are six months long
I used to play like I was

Johnny was a country boy and this I know's a fact
He picked a bale of cotton and he nearly broke his back
One day old John got all fed up and throwed his pick-sack down
His mama cried as he walked out

Don't take your cash to town John leave your purse at home son
Don't take

D-don'-don'

(Okay there Ben hold it
Now look we made this thing 85 times
I'm beginning to worry)

Don't worry bout me

(Well if you got it this time)

Don't worry bout me

(Hey Marty
Stand over there and whisper the lyrics to Ben's here
Okay
Here we

Dem dem dem dum ditty dum ditty ha ha ha

Last night I went out with old what's her name again
We went out to this place the whatcham call it inn
We were dancin' around and I was holdin' her a little too tight
I pulled her do hickey off of her thing a m jiggy last night

We

Easy lovin' so sexy lookin'
They're talkin' about me I guess that it's true
Easy lovin' I have pushed over
My name is Ben Colder and here's the key to my room
I'm a little anxious too

We'll haul a little toddy it'll turn you on a bit
If you want my body what you see is