Nothing To Do With Me (Part I)

SCROOGE
If the poor have to eat
Let the beg upon the street
Or apply at the workhouse door.
If they refuse to earn,
Then let them learn
What a prison's for!

I abhor how they whine!
How they want whatever's mine!
Whay should I give a thing for free?
Let them beg till they're blue!
It has nothing to do with me!
"I say let them die, and decrease the surplus population! Good afternoon!"

CRATCHIT
Mr. Scrooge, I'm sorry,
But sir, might I go?
Might you pay me early,
Just this once…

SCROOGE
(Shouting after the Charity Men)
"Picking a man's pocket every 25th of December!"

CRATCHIT
(Determinedly)
My Tiny Tim is ill, sir.
Youngest son, you know!
Wife and children need me,
Just this one…

SCROOGE
People wanting this,
People wanting that,
Spreading bloody cheer!

CRATCHIT
"It's only once a year, sir!"

SCROOGE
Plucking at your sleeve,
Holding out the hat,
Singing in your ear!

CRATCHIT
"Oh, I'm sorry, sir, I never meant to…"

SCROOGE
Taking off a day,
Asking for their pay,

CRATCHIT
"Only once a year!"

SCROOGE
Only once a year!
Well you can take Christmas
And stuff it with bread!
And if that isn't perfectly clear…
I do not need to know
Of your family or your woe.
I suggest Tiny Tim drink yea!

CRATCHIT
"He's only six!"

SCROOGE
Give him tea, give him stew
It has nothing to do
With me!

(Scrooge pays Cratchit grudgingly and starts home.
He meets his Nephew Fred on the street.)

FRED
Come to Christmas dinner.
We're inviting you,
Be with family, Uncle,
Just this once.

SCROOGE
"No, thank you."

FRED
You'd enjoy it, Uncle.
We'd enjoy it, too.
You'd meet Sally, Uncle,
Just this once.

SCROOGE
People taking wives,
Living little lives,
Cozier than mice!

FRED
"We want nothing from you."

SCROOGE
Marrying for love,
Push will come to shove,
You'll be thinking twice.

FRED
"I will not get angry, Uncle!"

SCROOGE
Asking me to dine,
Breaking open wine,
Taking no advice!

FRED
(Getting annoyed despite himself)
"Good God!"

SCROOGE
Well, you can have Christmas,
And marriage as well,
And to hell with your trees and your rice!
I will not fill my plate,
Socialize, or celebrate
With a fool and his family.

FRED
(Amused at his uncle's outrageousness)
"Well!"

SCROOGE
Let your love see you through
But have nothing to do
With me!