Ironmonger (The Copier Of The Seven Keys)

Master of the allen wrench
Riding a mighty lawnmower for revenge
In the realm of the screws he’s the king
And Lord of the Towel Rings

Edison of the lightbulb
Leonardo of the shower tray
Renzo Piano of the gas pipes
David Hasselhoff of the glue
Einstein of the screwdriver
Plato of the kick plates
Hemingway of the instructions
Translated into Dutch

Bricolage! With the power of Black & Decker
Bricolage! And the magic of Leroy Merlin
Bricolage! Praise the wisdom of Rowenta
In the name of the almighty Bosch!

Hail to the affordable Ironmonger
Prophet of bricolage of the last eclipse
Purchase cutting edge items at the Ironmonger's
Ineffable copier of the seven keys
You’re the Spongebob of promotions on the glue!

Wizard of the doorknob of steel
Warlock of the doorlock of hell
Baywatcher of the batteries' polarity
Hobgoblin of the customer satisfaction

Heart of utensil
On your ear there’s a pencil
No one can outcompete your trueness
In the retail sellers branch
You also sell mosquito nets
In the tropical regions
But not DDT anymore
For international restrictions

Hail to the affordable Ironmonger
Prophet of bricolage of the last eclipse
Purchase cutting edge items at the Ironmonger's
Ineffable copier of the seven keys
You’re the bishop of the offers on the nails!

The hammer of Thor
The scalpel of Thor
The screwdriver of Thor
The lifepreserver of Thor
The cousin of Thor
The grandfather of Thor
The boyfriend of David Hasseloff

Hail to the affordable Ironmonger
Prophet of bricolage of the last eclipse
Purchase cutting edge items at the Ironmonger's
Ineffable copier of the seven keys
And this song is all about David Hasselof!