1-900-Sheila

He-he-he-he-he lets see here now...one...nine hunderd...
Hm-hm-hm boy, I sure hope I get a purdy'n.
Maybe she'll look like Terry Clark or Faith Hill or somebody.
Hm, hope this ain't a party line.
Here we go!

Ha-ha. I's laid up 'na house watchin' C.M.T.
Thought I'd have a late night snack
So I headed to the kitchen on a commercial break
When sup'm called me back

It was the sexiest voice that I'd ever heard
Comin' out of my television set
Said, "Call now, you can hear me live
And I'll tell ya 'bout my naughtiness."

So without hesitation or further ado
I grabbed a hold of my Visa
And dialed the number flashin' on my screen
1-900-SHEILA

You can tell it all to me
I'm your phone fantasy
1-900-SHEILA

...Ohhhh man! Aaahh
So I kicked back the recliner
And on the second ring
She whispered, "Hello. This is Sheila.
Your credit card number, please."

I said, "How much will it cost
For this here trip to paradise?"
She said, "You can't put a price on love"
That's another $4.98 minute went bye

After an hour of conversation
She had me chewin' on the receiver
Well, I worked up a sweat, I's out of breath
Over 1-900-SHEILA

You can tell it all to me
I'm your phone fantasy
1-900-SHEILA

Like a man possessed I dialed her number
Mornin' noon and night
And slowly but surely we fell in love
As my phone bill shot out of sight

After so many costly heart to hearts
I just had to meet her face to face
She wouldn't give me her home address
So I had her number traced. He-he.

Well, I thought it'd lead to a passion palace
Some penthouse in the sky
And, I must admit I was a little let down
When I found her in a double wide
...A double wide???

That beauty that I envisioned
That goddess that drove me crazy
Answered the door with a cigar in her mouth
And weighin' in at over two eighty. He-he-ho!

They say love conquers all, well I reckon it's true
Even when it's for a fee
We said I do, and now were one
Though she makes two of me

And she talks to me no charge
Every time she takes a breather
And I'll never have to work
As long as all you jerks dial
1-900-SHEILA

You can tell it all to me
I'm your phone fantasy
1-900-SHEILA

...I love you baby. Come here to me. Smooch-smooch