Oh, the campaign trail is dreary
from Lake Tahoe to Lake Erie
and the days are long and weary
still I?m perky, warm, cheery
Clearly it?s no easy kind of life
Oh, it?s hard to be the candidate?s wife
I tell you
Woman's World did a piece on me
about how I raise my f

Phyllis was a physicist,
a fairly good ventriloquist,
a free-lance photographer
but don?t call her a feminist.
Some challenges she?d nail
on the very first try,
but she felt like a failure
for she was afraid to fly.
Our friend the ace in physics
found herself

Should auld acquaintance be forgot
and never brought to mind
should auld acquaintance be forgot
hey everybody, it?s rapture time
I was staring at the clouds from a 747
when I saw that there were thousands
getting sucked up into heaven
and I knew that Armageddon time w

I refused to get the phone today
even after 27 rings
it would have been a bad connection
I can tell these things
I have gift with my predictions
they come naturally
and I can tell what you are thinking
but listen to me:
It?s hell to be psychic
hell to have ESP

When our stretch marks look like the New Jersey Turnpike
mapped from navel to knees,
when the bottom's best feature is its interesting texture
(the sign of a fine cottage cheese),
when we search for the perfect bathing suit
that will cover our assets -and still look cute-

You barely touched the broccoli on your dinner plate
Well, alright just one bite and you can stay up late
Don't tease the baby; you'll make him cry
Because I'm the mother, that's why
Don't fight
I've got eyes in the back of my head.
These are things my mother's mother's

Roger Wingtip is my dentist
there?s no one can compare
when he talks about bicuspids
he makes you really care
I once chewed three packs of licorice
to spend more time in his chair
Roger Wingtip is my dentist
there?s no one can compare
Oh Roger
you cause me pai

It was a quiet cafe in Orleans, France
where we held our midnight rendezvous,
conspiring pour la resistance
It seemed like something Woody Allen would do,
talking politics, ethics, animal rights
one fateful night long ago.
The mood like the food we kept it light
till

In his hands sat a tiny Abyssinian
as he stood at his live-in lover's door
He said "I'm keeping it. Let's call it Gilligan."
and he handed her the cat and he said nothing more
And she thought, "Oh God, a cat. I hate cats,
and this one he's calling Gilligan, how disgustingly c

We sailed away from Huntington Bay
and the waters were calm as could be-oh
On our new cabin cruiser, the first time we used her
'twas just the family and me-oh
And my husband stood proud in his new captain's hat
using words like ahoy there and- crap like that
So we

Wherever we go, there's id and there's ego
the conflicts we never outgrow.
Anxiety's built on repression and guilt
(ask any good Catholic you know).
There are feelings inside which are felt and denied
and in trying to hide them we find
that the ones we repress are the one