Buffett Night (Tonight, I'm A Parrothead)

As the son of a son of a lawyer
I never get home before nine
The folks at work all think I'm a jerk
I never see my kids and they don't seem to mind

Yes, I'm stressed, and aggression's got the better of me
My second ex-wife says I oughta get a life
And the third and fourth agree

But tonight Jimmy Buffet is comin' to town
Pack up the Beemer: salt, lime, and tequiler
And mingle with the soccer moms and 9-to-5 clowns
Got no use for these suburbanite losers
I'm above them in every way
But tonight, I'm a Parrothead
And they're okay

I'm allergic to shellfish and mangos
I don't enjoy the beach or the sun
Hard for a man to get a tropical tan
Wearing SPF one-hundred-and-one

I guess Key West is impressive, but I've never been
Can't even have Old Bay® or a Filet-O-Fish®
Without needing a Dramamine®

But tonight I'm in the crowd and I'm singin' along
Year after year, you'll find me here
Gettin' the words to "Margaritaville" wrong
Most of the time I'd rather kiss a mime
Than to hang out with your kind
But tonight, I'm a Parrothead
And I don't mind

I know I ain't no sailor
My khaki shorts are custom tailored
And my Hawaiian shirt's from Calvin Klein®
And I don't own his albums
I only came here to get loaded
And hit on your wife

But tonight, the Coral Reefers are gonna be playin'
I'll be the drunken ass throwing up on the grass
And shoutin' out my tenth request for "Fire and Rain"
Most of the year I'm 'bout as full of cheer
As a constipated bear
But tonight, I'm a Parrothead
I know you wish that I was dead
But for tonight, I'm a Parrothead
And I don't care